Thursday, November 3, 2016

Fake It Til' You Make It

Public speaking used to be a source of distress for me. And it still is sometimes. Entering high school, public speaking unnerved me, and I would have ideally avoided it all together. However, my mentality that fears and nerves are stupid got in the way of my stressful thoughts about public speaking. On top of my refusal to let my nerves get in the way of my success, most of the careers I began to be interested in involved an aspect of extensive public speaking, and I knew I needed to get over myself and increase my confidence and ease in front of large crowds. I knew that I had a natal poise when speaking, but my nerves would be a source of weakness leading to verbal fillers and nervous antics such as touching my hair or not knowing what to do with my hands. So, what better way than to simply immerse myself in a series of high stress public speaking opportunities, right?

Aside from short speeches in english classes, my first real experience public speaking came with my involvement with my high school mock trial team. I was entranced by the work behind a case study and developing case theory as well as character in witnesses as a tactic to respond to heavy cross-examination. The legal field was one that always interested me, and so my involvement came naturally. However, I was essentially unaware of the stresses and pressure that would come in the form of public speaking. My first trial was certainly not a smooth introduction to public speaking or the court systems to say the least. I had not expected any part of it: the formality, the real judge, the real jury comprised of established lawyers, and ruthless prosecution lawyers from other teams that questioned me to the point where I just wanted to go back to my seat and never do it again. But I kept doing it. And I kept getting better, and loving it more and more. I developed a poise and an on the spot wittiness that is crucial to be successful in mock trial and in the real legal system. It took time to develop a level of comfort expressing myself in front of a room full of people, but I kept with it until I was less shaky and more exhilarated. After that first trial, I never would have thought I would have the skills to be a member of the Penn State Mock Trial Team, but I am continuing my public speaking skills and knowledge of case law through that opportunity now as well.

Another public speaking and performance experience I have had in the past was involvement with theatre. I have always had a love for the arts and vocal music, but my stage-fright and nerves kept me from auditioning my first 2 years of high school because I did not want to have to act or sing in front of anyone. However, my sophomore year I decided that fear should not hold you back from anything you want to do, and I landed a role in my school's production of Beauty and the Beast. I was nervous beyond belief to perform on opening night in front of hundreds of people, but that night changed everything. I fell in love with performing and continued in multiple benefits and the musical the next years as well. If i had not put myself out there, I might still be uncomfortable in front of crowds and might still be denying myself the involvement in music and acting, something I am passionate about.

Along with these opportunities which have expanded my comfort and public speaking skills in high stress situations, I have also had the opportunity to speak in front of my school on numerous occasions. While always being a member of my very involved student government at my high school, I took on a leadership role my senior year which required that I speak frequently in front of my school and faculty, as well as reaching out to community members in numerous circumstances as well. My AP english class always merited frequent public speaking. My strengths include eye contact and good voice control and inflection, while my weaknesses would be nervous antics such as touching my hair and a few verbal fillers. I'm aware of my weaknesses and attempt to reconcile them simply through repetition and practice, and I hope to continue this growth in my RCL class.


Thursday, October 13, 2016

Mae the...Villain?

Mae is not a hero. Mae is not a victim. As the New York Times argues, and I contend to, "Mae, then , is not a victim but a dull villain." While reading the novel, I had a consistently optimistic and somewhat naive outlook that Mae would realize the direness of her circumstances, the impending evilness that will manifest from a completely transparent totalitarian regime. Somewhere towards the end of the novel, which is admittedly a little late and tragically hopeful, I had to let go of this fantasy. Mae was eager to fit in, obsessed with the lure of societal approval, and completely engulfed in quantification as opposed to actual interaction. She shifted from a normal life with normal family relationships, to complete indifference to her roots and established relationships prior to her employment at the Circle. She was able to track down Mercer and lead him to his eventual suicide, and have the audacity to note that it was almost like a game. Killing one of the most important people in her life was like a game. 

In my interpretation of the claim by the New York Times, the truth in the statement is derived from the idea that Mae is simply in no way shape or form a victim of the circle. She is a willing and submissive pawn in the totalitarian and completely transparent manifesto, and that takes away any claim to say she fell victim to it. While it may not appear this way until the novel comes to a chilling end, Mae is essentially the villain if anything at all to the novel. Her character is not anything compelling or contrasting in terms to the norm of the totalitarian regime. In reality, Mae's character stories just one experience of someone completely and totally submissive to the controlling environment that is being molded. If Mae is to be referred to as a dull villain, that namesake comes from the idea that she had the chance to make a change, and denied the opportunity by instead cultivating more support for the Circle.

In the last portion of the novel, the plot becomes a haunting display of the power of the Circle and the terrifying future in store. A twist occurs as we learn that Kalden has been Ty, the third Wise Men, all along. This adds such a powerful contradiction to the aspect of the novel that has been advising Mae to think of the affects of what she is doing. Kalden attempts one last time to help Mae see the detrimental affects of completing the Circle, and Mae shreds the last bit of hope for humanity to pieces without ever considering the troubles of this. She is so deep in the false reality of knowledge and approval that she divulges the Kalden scenario to her viewers and informs the world that he has tried to take down the powerful circle. Mae is the villain by her failure to uphold humanity. Her obsession with knowledge and complete rejection of any of the relations she has made in her life boils down to the last thought Mae leaves us with regarding Annie in a coma: " What was going on in that head of hers? It was exasperating, really, Mae thought, not knowing. It was an affront, a deprivation, to herself and to the world. She would bring this up with Stenton and Baily, with the Gang of 40, at the earliest opportunity. They needed to talk about Annie, the thoughts she was thinking. Why shouldn't they know them? the world deserved nothing less and would not wait" (497).

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Transparency

With Mae now completely transparent as a social experiment, and the momentum of The Circle as a company reaching a peak, talk of "completing the circle" is abounding. And despite the faults in this idea to an outsider, no variables are slowing down the process at this point. While completing the circle, enduring total transparency, was deemed inevitable, the progress of this is expedited as the factors align. Timing is tragically on the Circle's side at this stage and the power is too strong to be subdued. With over 90 percent of Washington transparent, the others that are not are simply outliers subject to conformity without the to resist. This is the all too real truth: rampant totalitarianism and unchecked technology does indeed have an immeasurable strength with such overwhelming support. 

The ultimate goal is to make all Circlers transparent, but for now, Mae and one other are testing the idea and modeling the implementation in a way that seems to be appealing to many people despite obvious intrusion on day to day activities. Mae went from being quietly weary of everyone knowing everything about her, to being completely transparent for millions of followers and completely loving it. This jump is troubling, but not surprising. In the process of getting used to wearing a constant camera on her chest and endlessly making appeals to her viewers, she begins to eerily internalize the viewers praise for her point of view as affection. The reality is, the idea that followers and online respect and interaction is not affection of any kind, and this reality is also one that people in todays society are loosing touch with. Mae puts so much value on her image and her transparency that she has completely lost herself. The scariest part, however, is her utter indifference. 

Mae is equipped with a multitude of tools that keep record of all bodily phenomenons, but most importantly her point of view. The point of view which she gives her viewers is what has attracted such a following and allows her to meet statistical standards demanded by the Circle. "At that moment, standing before the octopus, Mae had 441,762 watchers, which was a little above her average, but still less than what she's hoped for while revealing Stenton's deep-sea discoveries. The other numbers displayed were unsurprising. She was averaging 845,029 unique visitors to her live footage in any given day, and had 2.1 million followers to her Zing feed" (314). These massive statics and numbers attest to the absolute transparency and the reality that every single Mae makes is watched, and she pays no mind to it. This complacency threatens the standards of todays society, and is a precursor to the reality of completing the circle. 
 

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

1984?

SECRETS ARE LIES, SHARING IS CARING, PRIVACY IS THEFT. As these Circle mantras were first introduced and repeated throughout, I found it hard to deter my mind from the Orwellian propositon of WAR IS PEACE, FREEDOM IS SLAVERY, IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH. While different mantras and utalized in different circumstances and envirements, the two novels posess and undertone of rampant totalitarianism and unchecked survallience through technology. The phrases which serve as a reference point throughout introduce a scary reality for Circle societal members and even our own society.

As Mae is now fully, and perhaps strikingly, submursed in the transparency and technology-obsessed company, these mantras take on a meaning which provide insight on the mentality the circle attempts to produce. The circle is a institution of a lifestyle rather than just a job. While only working for a certain number of hours a day, the constant idea of being plugged in and connected is an indefinite expirence. She becomes so engulfed in the constant social media institutions tracking her, and also updating them voluntarily. In this fashion, she even begins to gage her own sucess and accomplishments on her persona online and the sucess of that. The circle brings forth a sense of never-ending tracking, monitoring, and pursuance craddle to grave. The mantras highlight this essense. Because "secrets are lies", Mae finds herself under constant scruitiny of cameras and information survalance. While I do not find these mantras cohesive or humanistic, they are the glue which keeps the circle in order. As the society works to "complete the circle", these mantras give a thesis-like stance on such.

As for traction in the real world, these mantras hold a recognizable and relatable place but not to the extent that they do in the Circle. The specific phrase, sharing is caring, is something repeted in our culture as a postive way to encourage sharing, peacful relationships, and helping others. Taken out of that context and into the context of the circle, the phrase is warped and intruding. In the same fashion, secrets are lies and privacy is theft reiterates the idea that all that happens must be known. These mantras leave no room for questioning, or the human expirence in general, because it takes a devious and anilating spin on proverse concepts. If these mantras began to have a hold in the real world, thier meanings would take up a more synical connotation like in the Circle. They are modes of instilling transparency, which is not a democratic goal in the slightest.

Thursday, September 15, 2016

All That Happens Must Be Known

Dave Egger's "The Circle", takes on an all too real and all too familiar Google-like brigade of complete transparency, which distorts sense of self through an innate relationship between obsolete privacy and omnipotent data. The relationship between data and privacy, despite intricate factors and context, is rather simple: data annihilates privacy. Mae begins to get a real sense of the invasive world that she has entered as the novel progresses. She noticeably grows weary of the utter lack of privacy bestowed upon the Circle employees as she toys with her inner moral compass and her superficial need to prosper in the company as well as fit in with their transparent vision. As Mae becomes more and more engulfed in the social practices of her community with institutions such as PartiRank, InnerCircle, and OutterCircle, she begins to understand that her every move is broadcasted. This mass collection of data, accessible at a moments notice, begins to shrink humans into nothing more than a statistic or a digital footprint.

The connection between data and privacy is blatantly blurred in a circumstance which Mae encountered regarded her absence at a Portugual meeting she didn't feel invited to. When it was expressed that her absence was felt, Annie explained to Mae that her invitation rooted from a few photographs stored on Mae's computer that are now on the Cloud: "You don't have to run around signing up for Portugal interest clubs or anything. When Alstair wanted to do his brunch, he probably just asked for a search of everyone on campus who had visited the country, took pictures or mentioned it in an email or whatever" (111). Annie attempts to nonchalantly explain that at any second, and for a reason as trivial as a Portugal brunch, every database, email, and travel history can be scanned and reported to make a list of Circlers. While Annie ensured this was a normal practice to expedite the process and make things easier and more efficient, Mae quietly felt violated in a which she found hard to explain. This invasiveness made Mae uneasy, even though it was harmless and with presumably good intentions.

In the same fashion as data trumped privacy regarding the Portugal lunch, Mae faces another instance of exploitation with perhaps a heightened degree of extremity. Mae lightheartedly attended a seminar on a new dating site called LuvLuv with her interest Francis, however, the situation quickly turned intruding and humiliating when it was Mae's personal information examined for the room. Despite all the information broadcasted being opening online, Mae still felt violated as her favorite restraints, food ordered, places visited, allergies, and preferences were illuminated for everyone. While everyone in the room was getting a kick out of the practicality and revolutionary aspect of the whole site, Mae sank in despair: "But then again, it wasn't entirely accurate, so was that the problem? Having a matrix of preferences presented as your essence, as the whole you? Maybe that was it. It was some kind of mirror, but it was incomplete, distorted" (126). The idea that all of this well maintained and extremely invasive data existed was not the main issue, it is the idea that the data brought fourth characterized every aspect of every human when that is simply not the case. A human is much more complex, much more filled with unmeasurable concepts of passion and personality and interest, that a digital legacy disregards in its entirety.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

The Circle & Penn State: Prompt 1

The chilling aspect of distopian literature resides not only in the themes of totalitarianism, transparency, and oppression, but the relatability and paralells we see in the work which we observe or feel in our own society. The timing in which I delved into the novel "The Circle" by Dave Eggers could not have been more impecable, as it set the stage for me to make many connections between the work itself and my own personal expirences. Despite the oddness of relating the start of my journy as a first year student at Penn State Univeristy with the distopian and ficticious employment at a lavish company set to rid the world of personal identity and privacy, the similarties were apparent from the beginging of the novel. Depsite many similarities, undoubtledly the differences were prominet and  apparent as well. The novel became an incredibly personal expirence for me as I traced Mae Holland's first weeks as an employee of "the most influntial company in the world", and the sequence of emotions she portrayed as she took in her new surroundings and drew conclusions about herself and her new life.

Much like Mae Holland, my first days on Penn State's campus were filled with awe-struck wonder and absolute surreal starry-eyed walks down many unfamilier streets. Mae's first impression on her first day paralelled mine: "The campus was vast and rambling, wild with Pacific color, and yet the smallest detail had been carefully considered, shaped by the most eloquent hands (1)." Everything was so new and vast, and I was overwhelmed with the thought that I would never,in a million years,be able to navagate this community without being glued to my map app on my phone. Much like Mae had a more veterned tourguide in Annie, I had my brother who lives on campus to take me around and show me the ins and outs of such a broud assembly of buildings and insitituions. As Mae's phase of wonderment continues with a lavish and utterly normal occurance of a grand party on campus her first night, I quickly learned the same rites take place in my new home as well. Just as her new boss, Dan, stresses and ingrains in her the absolute and vital importance of building a strong sense of community on the campus, I recived the same ingrainment from the seconded I stepped foot on Penn State's campus. From "we are" chants walking down the street, every passerbyer wearing something relating to school pride, and my inition into the community at convocation by the president, community and a sense of family has been pushed onto me as well.

 I resonate with her wonder and lust for the shineyness of her new surroundings and all the glamour that comes with it, but I also relate to the feelings which follow the fleeting amazement. She slowly begins to feel for herself the impossing work that she is involved in and the stresses and hardships that come with such. While I am not subject to total transparency as she is, I am still put under a looking glass of swiping my ID card, working rigourously to meet standards and ideals set in and out of the classroom, and attempting to keep in touch with who I am while expanding my horizons and my inner self.

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Relentlessly Passionate

For as long as I can remember, I have been teeming and overflowing with an unruly passion for life and the entire human experience. I draw motivation and curiosity through quiet observations of the world around me, specifically the vast and divine immensity of nature and the balance of natural phenomenons.

For me, the term passion is synonymous with the endless lessons and spirituality I have drawn from the ocean. The second I heard the task of articulating our passion, my scattered thoughts calmly fixated on the waves and the waters that have given me so much freedom. The ocean has been a place of refuge throughout different earthly hardships, a teacher of impermanence and the inevitability of change, and a refreshing reminder of who I am even when I am land-locked. My passion for the ocean transgressed into my early childhood passion for surfing which I have carried with me throughout my life and plan to carry into my future. Regardless of however mundane and cliche it may be these days to identify as a "beach bum" or an "ocean lover", I take a better understanding of life and the world around me because of all that I have learned. I have learned to brave storms both metaphorically and physically, swim against the current despite all odds, and coexist with all lifeforms regardless of how dominate or ruthless. Despite this being my most prevalent passion, it is a narrow topic that I am weary and unsure of its sustainability over the course of a 10 installment blog. I would love to do the topic justice and depict lessons and the invaluable peace of mind which I have acquired through my experiences with the ocean, but I find despair in the thought that the topic will become lackluster or repetitive as time progresses. I aim to find ways to make the identity I have discovered through my passion relatable for those who do not share the same love for the sea as I do with a blog possibly titled "Thalassophile", which means "lover of the sea."

A second idea for my passion blog takes a broader approach to the same love and passion I feel towards nature and the preservation of such. I feel so strongly about the lessons and the magnitude of beauty and abundance that nature provides in all its forms, not just the ocean. On a blog possibly titled "Home" I could divulge into the realm of human ignorance, the effects of natural disaster, the fragile ecosystem which can collapse at the foot of extinction of any number of species, and small deliberate choices which we can make every day to leave a lasting positive impact on the environment. I take a lot of inspiration and peace in the evolving and regeneration of nature and all that it has to offer, and I am very passionate about this as a whole.